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you sit there staring at nothing in particular.

not wanting to believe it, hoping it isn't true.

but knowing, somehow that it is.

you want to cry, but the tears won't come.

you want to say something, but you don't know what.

because what can you possibly say that will make everything okay?

and as much as you don't want to admit it, you knew.

you knew, and didn't say anything.

perhaps you were in denial.

perhaps you hoped it really was over.

the fact remains that you might have been able to stop it.

but you didn't say or do anything, and the guilt kills you.

it's not too late, and you know that.

but, still, what can you do?

say all the clichéd things that don't really help?

tell someone? (but you don't know who you can possibly tell who'd care)

and you're too afraid of saying the wrong thing, making it worse.

the fact that this is real hasn't hit you yet.

because you just can't comprehend it.

you tell yourself you'll mention it soon, talk about it.

but you can't bring yourself to, because then you have to face it.

and you don't think you're strong enough.

you're smart enough to know that problems don't disappear if you ignore them.

but as much as you want to, you just can't.

every night, you pledge to do it the next day.

and predictably,  you end up not.

you're scared to death it'll happen again.

you care so much you can't put it into words.

you want to make everything better.

but you don't know how.

all you know is that you love her.

and that it's not enough.

Escape

Running.

Because she wants nothing more than to escape.

The rain pelts down harder, as she sprints across the hard forest floor.

She's sick of it all, the endless ridicule, the betrayals.

All she wants is to get away.

Leave the thoughts, the memories, the feelings, leave it all behind.

She runs faster.

She tries to focus on putting one foot in front of the other, on anything but her thoughts.

But it doesn't work, not at all.

And soon the tears are flowing, mixing with the rain on her face.

Yet she keeps on going.

Soon her lungs are aching for air, but she ignores it.

"None of this ever happened. It was all a nightmare. I'll wake up," she repeats to herself, almost obsessively. Because she'll go mad if she tries to face the truth.

She reaches a clearing, and instantly collapses on a rock, sobbing.

Nobody is there to here her heartsick cries.

So she lies there, not moving, for what seems like hours, waiting, praying, for somebody to find her.

But nobody does.

~

Weeks later, she knows she can't last much longer, but she doesn't care.

One night, she just slips away, finally finding her escape.

~
And when a hunter passes through the clearing, he comes across the corpse.

There's still a smile on her face.

The first time she smiled in months.

Memories

Just as you think that you're over it, you're fine at last, a memory resurfaces.

A reference to something you shared, and the image of laughing together fills your head.

You thought that friendship was forever, that nothing could come between you and her.

But you were young then, and naive.  

Now you realize that it's inevitable; that nothing is forever; that you were bound to grow apart sometime.

But you didn't want it like this.

If you had slowly drifted apart from each other, it wouldn't have hurt this much.

But it wasn't like that.

She became your enemy, to the point where she ignored you when you tried to say good bye at graduation.

And what did you get out of this?

An entire year of your life, wasted.

Spent trying to figure out what you had done to make her hate you; trying your hardest to gain her friendship back; and trying to make other friends.

Failing

But now, you have friends, and you try to forget her.

But memories are forever, no matter how hard you try to erase them.

So, now, whenever someone tells you that they'll be your friend forever, on the outside you smile and say that you'll be their friend forver, too.

But each time, you remember her, and all the empty promises.

Hope

Darkness.


Everywhere she looks, it's there. Enveloping her senses, threatening to smother her.


The cold, creeping up on her when she least expects it.

And the loneliness, engulfing her as she lies awake at night, overwhelming her until she's in tears, wishing for someone, anyone, to be there.

She can't take this, but there's no way out. No way out but death.

And that possibility is looking pretty good to her now.

She grasps the knife, her hand trembling, and brings it to her chest.

But something stops her, and she drops it.
Because she knows the sun will come out someday.

And that's the only thing that keeps her alive.

No matter how long it takes, everything will become alright.